


Revive

by Bluepaw265



Series: Remember? [11]
Category: Lego Ninjago
Genre: Angst, Bittersweet, Gen, Grief, Self-Hatred (ish), breakdowns
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-08-24
Updated: 2018-08-24
Packaged: 2019-07-01 22:42:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,708
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15783600
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bluepaw265/pseuds/Bluepaw265
Summary: After doing the unthinkable, Lloyd is left in shambles. Piecing himself back together like he did is not what he should have done, because now he's set himself up to fall - and he's going to fall harder than ever before.Because to revive the soul...that's a feat almost no one has ever accomplished.(One he's going to achieve, dammit. He's not going to let it slip away. Not this time.)/ /The AU where Lloyd jumps to conclusions. Because of this, he fights two battles: one unavoidable (distracting) battle…and one he could have avoided (and chose not to).





	Revive

**Author's Note:**

> Chapter Summary:
> 
> Lloyd repents for what he did. He hurt him (killed him) and now he must live with the consequences.  
> Or…Or does he?  
> / /  
> The AU where Lloyd learns to live life without Kai. 
> 
> | |  
> I'd say 'have fun' but you really won't.

**_ Repent _ **

Lloyd repents for what he did to Kai.

He hurt him ( _killed_ him), but he can’t do anything now. He’s dead and he isn’t coming back.

His dad did, though.

Bitterness strikes then, because the ( _former_ , but that _hurts_ ) Ninja of Fire thought he could save his father straight up. He thought that he could just ignore his death like it was a grain of sand on the beach. He thought that he could win with the snap of his fingers.

News flash: Kai was a naïve fool (he doesn’t acknowledge the agonising thought that Kai had seen too much betrayal and heartache to make him too trusting).

‘Was’ is a word he still tries to avoid thinking when referring to the Fire Ninja (‘had’ is another).

What happened after Kai _fell_ is still a bit of a blur to Lloyd.

He remembered everyone crying out as his _best_ _friend_ tumbled into the abyss. He remembered the wave of dark energy that knocked everyone – but him, of course – off their feet.

He remembered seeing the Oni Masks, a circle of darkness forming some portal above them, and…

Well, he doesn’t exactly know what he did. He knew he moved forward. He knew the power inside him bubbled with an intensity he can’t describe. He just doesn’t know what he _did_ , and that was what bugged him. To this very day.

Waking up in a crater where the Oni Masks once lay with the earth still in tatters can do that to someone.

He asked about it when he saw his friends later that day, but all they said was that he’d been consumed in some sort of bright light.

When he asked about his father, they’d said they hadn’t seen him.

They said he ‘must have died’.

But Lloyd could feel it; a certain darkness shrouding all of Ninjago like a fog. He knew his father wasn’t dead – worse, he knew he came back _wrong_.

(It took a while to figure it out, though; lost in his own world of nativity ripped a year of potential preparation from his fingertips.)

And, while that ate at his insides like maggots on a corpse, what he didn’t do is _so_ much worse.

Kai asked him to place the jigsaw pieces back where they belong.

But he didn’t piece his family together. He tore them apart when the fabric was starting to knit itself back together; ripped the tapestry off the wall before the weaver could undo the damage.

And that… _that_ is his greatest sin.

/ / I \ \

Minutes after he wakes up inside a crater, Lloyd is grabbing Nya and tearing her away from the one remaining crack in the ground, wincing as she cries and screams and sobs in her desperate attempts to get out of his firm hold.

_Wailing_. His mother once told him of the horrible grief-filled screams, and he never once thought it would sound quite like this.

It’s worse than he could have ever imagined.

She stops pulling towards the crevasse after who knows how long, and Jay is there to hold her as she sobs into his chest.

Lloyd takes the time to look around, finding Cole slamming the ground with a bloodied hand, tears streaming down his face. Zane stands at the edge of the fissure in the earth that extends from the centre of the park to the edge of it, silver head down, looking into the depths below.

The Sensei takes a deep breath, looking between the two, before walking over to Zane.

Cole needs his time alone, after all.

Walking towards him, his gaze meets the ground, _his_ blood gracing the floor.

He stops, gut churning. _My fault._ Tears prick at his eyes.

He relents, clenching his fists. _I need to be strong. For them. For_ him _._

Lloyd lifts his head high and walks up to Zane, who still looks down into the darkness, blue eyes dim.

“I…I don’t understand.” The nindroid admits after a minute, finally looking up at him. “Why…Why does it feel like I’m suffocating?” His icy blue eyes shine, giving him the illusion of unshed tears.

Lloyd gives him a sad look. “That emotion…is called grief.” He can barely utter the words as they catch in his throat, the hand reaching for his brother’s titanium shoulder shaking for a moment.

Zane looks at the ground again, eyebrows furrowed. “Grief…intense sorrow,” his robotic face twitches, “especially caused by someone’s…death.”

Lloyd’s hand twitches. “That’s it.” He manages, teeth clenching so hard he’s afraid they’ll snap.

There’s silence for a while as they stare into the abyss below. _I can’t…why…_ Kai _._

_Why did you have to leave?_

“Will Kai be back?”

Zane’s sudden question catches him off-guard, his head swinging to the nindroid, the robots’ facial features high.

_Hope._ Lloyd thinks, looking back at the floor. _That emotion is what killed Kai._

He doesn’t answer.

/ / II \ \

Cole finds the Quiet One lying on her back on the other side of the park a few minutes later, a vicious contact with the floor rendering her unconscious.

_I used to love you._ He thinks as he waits for the police to show up, taking in her straight white hair surrounding her prone form like a halo. _Still do._ He crouches, eyeing the ochre red war paint covering the top half of her face and her unnoticeable ruby lips. _But I can’t forgive you for what you did._

He stands, blankly staring into the distance.

_In another time, maybe…maybe we could have been together._

He clenches his fists, blinking back tears.

_In another time, maybe…maybe this organisation never showed up._

Sirens wail and Lloyd snaps his head to the right, finding the familiar red and blue lights flashing onto the street, coming to a screeching stop at the front of the park, narrowly avoiding the large crevasse reaching halfway across the road.

_In another time, maybe…maybe Kai would still be alive._

/ / III \ \

Lloyd watches the ambulance load the Quiet One into the back of their van with a simmering anger, several police officers following suit.

_You betrayed me so many times. I tried to change you, but…you never did._

Lloyd walks away.

He doesn’t look back.

/ / IV \ \

One day. It’s barely been a day since tragedy struck, and Lloyd can’t sleep.

He can’t stop thinking about him – about _Kai_.

His best friend. His mentor. His… _his_ …

He wipes away his tears as he lies on his bed, alone now that he has his own room (being the Sensei helps).

_Oh, Kai._ He holds back a sob, clenching his fists as he rolls onto his side, wet cheek pressing against his dry pillow. _I…I can’t do this without you!_

This time, he can’t hold back the choked sob that escapes his once firm hold. _But I killed you, and now I must live with the consequences._

/ / V \ \

Three days later, Cole caves and cries to Lloyd when they are alone in the Temple, in the kitchen of all places.

He sobs on the hard floor, and Lloyd holds him to his chest as he cries, feeling his throat clog up as Cole babbles. “If-i-if I’d ju-just used m-my po-powers, I-I could have s-saved him!”

The Green Ninja tightens his hold around the usually calm member.

He wants to say so much. He wants to say that he impaled him in a fit of rage. He wants to say that he could have saved him instead of cry and freeze up at the most crucial moment. He wants to say that he…that he _killed_ him.

But he can’t. Not yet. Not when the wound is so fresh…so _raw_.

Instead, he whispers what the Earth ninja needs to hear. “Cole, you couldn’t have possibly stayed upright with how close you were to that explosion.” Tears of his own slip down his face as his hold tightens on his distressed comrade. “It’s not your fault.”

_No, it’s mine._

/ / VI \ \

Lloyd smiles and nods at Zane as he places the hamburger in front of him, grinning as he gets a whiff of the spice and juicy aroma of the combination between the meat and the vegetables inside.

His mouth waters as he stares at his meal, finding he must tear his eyes away or else he’ll devour it.

He distracts himself with checking who’s at the table.

Jay and Nya sit together at the far end, holding each other’s hand as they look at each other, the Lightning Ninja whispering something into her ear as Zane sets their own hamburgers in front of them, making a rare smile spread across her face.

He smiles at their antiques, finding Zane sitting down beside him after he calls out to Cole.

“They’re looking better, aren’t they?” Zane whispers as he leans towards him, nodding towards the pair.

Lloyd nods. “Yeah…” He remembers the first few days, the experience almost enough to wipe the grin off his face. “Way better than sticking in the garage twenty-four seven.”

Zane focuses his shiny blue orbs on him, nodding. “Agreed.”

They wait a few moments for their friend.

His smile falls as the Earth Ninja doesn’t appear.

He sighs, giving Zane an aspirated frown as he stands, walking around the table. “I’ll get him.”

“Good luck.” Jay replies over his shoulder, grabbing the buns and practically throwing the food into his mouth, groaning at the taste.

Lloyd turns away before his gut can feel the twinge of jealously ( _too late_ ), heading down the hall to get their reclusive brother.

_Don’t do this again, Cole._ He inwardly pleads as he makes his way to his door, going up a staircase. _Please. You can’t do this to yourself._

He reaches his door within the minute, knocking on wood. “Cole? It’s Lloyd. Lunch is up.” He waits for a few moments, receiving no response. “Jay will eat it if you don’t hurry.”

No response. Lloyd sighs. “Come on, Cole. It’s been three days. You’ve got to eat _sometime_ soon.”

“Not hungry.” A small voice defiantly answers, and he frowns despite the urge to grin like he’s won the lottery because _he’s answered_!

“Even if you’re not hungry now, you will be soon.” He counters, leaning against the door. “Come on, just have a bite. I won’t pester you if you do.”

“No.” The answer is immediate, and he grits his teeth.

_Okay, now I’m going with option two._ He winces but doesn’t change his decision. _This has gone on for long enough!_

“Stop punishing yourself for his death. It wasn’t your fault, Cole. You know that.” He doesn’t get a response after that, and he didn’t expect one. He can practically feel the Earth Ninja ready to tear down the locked door and punch him in the face.

He’s ready if that’s what he decides to do.

He sighs as the silence goes on for long enough, knowing he’s not coming out today. “I’ll be back when dinner’s up.” He pushes off the door and turns, taking a few steps before stopping, looking back at the door. “Do us a favour and show up, will ya? We’re all getting worried.”

Silence.

He turns and heads back down the stairs, sighing in defeat.

_Kai, you asked me to keep this family together, but I can’t. Cole’s drifting and I don’t know what to do. Please…_ come back _._

His plead reaches empty ears.

/ / VII \ \

Kai’s funeral is nine days after his death.

He gets a statue, like Zane did. One that has him in one of the ridiculous poses (one that looks a bit like Superman) he would do at the worst times; he’s pretty sure an architect is working on another one in the middle of the city, this one with both hands on the handle of his katana which sticks straight into a crack in the ground, his head leaning on his hands with a cocky smile.

(If that does end up being featured, Lloyd’s not sure he’ll ever go back to that part of town; it’ll remind him too much of their last meeting – the one where he-)

The funeral is at the worst time, though.

Nya’s starting talking again, with Jay starting to crack jokes like no tomorrow. He and Zane finally coaxed Cole out of his room yesterday, and Zane is starting to spend more time with them.

So, this funeral… it might just set them all back to square one.

He’s sitting in the crowd with his family, dully watching the events roll by (tarp off statue, some random talks by people who never knew Kai like they did, museum advertisement ( _bastards_ )) when he’s tapped on the shoulder.

He turns his head, Zane nodding his head towards the lectern. “They just called you up, Lloyd.”

He freezes for a moment, because he _can’t do this I killed him I killed him I **killed** him_ -

He takes a deep breath and stands, slowly (shakily) making his way through the crowd, glad they’re holding him back.

But then he’s at the front, no humans left to block the road, and he takes a shuddering breath as his stomach clenches, throat feeling like it’s caught in a vice.

_I…I can do this._ He thinks, taking a step forward. _I just need to say a few words. Tell them how great he was, how he never shrunk at the face of danger, how they can’t_ possibly _know him like I do._

Bile rises in his throat as he reaches the lectern, microphone sticking out to greet him.

He’s briefly stuck with what to say as he stares at the (startlingly large) crowd around the very park his best friend perished in, lump in his throat making itself known as he swallows the bile.

“Uhh…” _Great start!_ He thinks caustically, mentally going over who Kai was – _is,_ is _,_ **is** – to him. “Kai…was brave.” He wants to stab himself when he uses past tense, grabbing onto the wood of the lectern instead. “He…he never let anyone do the hard part. He always stood in the front lines, always protecting us from threats we wouldn’t know were there until they struck.” He realises he can’t stop talking as he remembers all the times they shared, tears ready to flow down his face like a river. “A lot of people tell me he was cocky, but I never really knew him like that. I knew him as a mentor. A Brother. My…My _best_ _friend_.” He can’t hold back the tears anymore, letting them slide down his face as he grips the edges of the stand like they’re his lifeline, his knuckles going white. “I still have so much I want to say to him, but…I can’t.” He lets out a sob as he looks down, the words tearing out of his throat expanding into all the ears in the crowd. “And it’s all my fault.”

He moves away from the lectern quickly, tearing into the crowd like there’s no tomorrow, creating a path as he races from the scene, images flashing of _rage and moving and shit, he’s hit, but there’s no need to worry, we’ve done this all the time, he’ll be fine on the next reset and-_

And then he died.

He can’t breathe. Can’t stop shaking. Can’t stop the quick, laboured breaths erupting from his mouth.

Everything’s closing in and he can’t _deal_ with it anymore.

Energy erupts in his hands, sending the crowd stumbling back a few paces with a startled cry.

Then he leaps over their heads, landing just outside the mass of kind citizens and just _runs_.

/ / VIII \ \

When he’s back to himself, away from the looming panic attack, he finds himself curled on the edge of one of the highest buildings in Ninjago City, watching the dazzling sunset, all kinds of red, orange and pink bringing him some sort of peace.

_Sunset._ He realises, taking deep, long breaths. _It was midday when we left._ His eyes widen. _Have I been like this all afternoon?_

His eyebrows furrow as he sits down on the edge of the building, deep in thought. _After I escaped the funeral it gets a bit hazy._ He winces. _I think…I think I ran around for a bit, then…_

A flash of sobbing and clutching his chest and running and…climbing?

_I must have fallen asleep after the climb up._

He stands then, leaning over the edge of the building to get a look at the bottom.

He blinks, finding no landmarks he knows. “Where _am_ I?”

“On the other side of the city.” He jumps and whirls around at the sudden voice, heart hammering in his chest as he faces who spoke.

It’s Cole. With Nya, Zane, and Jay. All in their Ninja Gi. All with their hoods up.

All… _wary_?

He runs a hand through his blonde locks, focusing on Cole as he flashes him a smile. “Good to see you talking.”

Cole pulls down his hood, the rest of the Ninja following suit. “Good to see you back to yourself.” He counters, crossing his arms as Lloyd scrunches his eyebrows together.

“Wha…what?” He asks, fingers twitching as the words sink in. “What’s that supposed to mean?” He demands, eyebrows narrowing.

It’s the way he said it that sets him on edge. The way he makes it sound like…like he-

He watches them all shift slightly, arms raising and body twitching to the side for just a moment.

It’s all he needs to figure out the answer to his question – all he needs to figure out why Cole said it in that tone.

Because he…he must have…

_No._ His face falls, already paling as it dawns on him. _Did I…no, I couldn’t have…_

Lloyd’s legs give way, sending him ass-first into the floor, the pain a momentary distraction as his breath quickens. _I…I couldn’t have…_ His right hand raises to clench his chest as it tightens, left clenching so hard his knuckle is white. _I couldn’t…I couldn’t…_

He doesn’t realise Zane is in front of him until he’s there, prying his right hand open as his icy blue orbs stare into his green. “Breathe, Lloyd. Breathe with me. 1 – in. 2 – hold. 3 – out. 1 – in. 2 – hold. 3 -…” The words tumble together into a mess of in’s and out’s and he attempts to get his breath back, squeezing the Ice Ninja’s hand so hard it hurts.

The pain cements him to reality, though. Helps him stop spiralling through _rage – Kai’s impaled –freezing, numbing shock – save dad – don’t talk like that – don’t go, don’t go, **don’t go** – fall._

Death.

“I killed him.” He finds himself sobbing, taking in deep, shuddering breaths as he squeezes Zane’s hand with more vigour, fresh tears streaming down his face. “I-I was so angry and I didn’t-I didn’t expect him to-to not dodge my blow. And-and when I realised what I-what I’d done, I-I froze.” He focuses on Nya, a hand covering her mouth in shock, brown eyes wide. The sob that escapes his throat turns into a bitter, choppy laugh. “The-the thing is, I-I thought he’d be o-okay. We-we’d both impaled each other be-before, s-so I assumed everything w-would be fine a-after a quick r-reset.” He looks to the floor, shoulders shaking. “So w-when I realised w-what he was t-talking about, w-what was about t-to happen, I was t-too late.” He lets out a cry as he remembers standing still as he fell, gaining the courage to look back up at the Water Ninja. “I-I’m so sorry!” He manages to choke out before falling back into the storming sea of grief, unable to find any land to save him from the rough, devastating waves.

_Weak._ He thinks as he cries like the boy he once was. _You’re their leader. You’re supposed to help_ them _, not the other way around._ He can’t act on his thoughts as his body curls in on itself, shaking like a leaf.

“We were so caught up in our own grief that we didn’t see you crumbling right in front of our eyes.” A hand falls on his arm and he briefly looks up, meeting two obsidian black eyes. “From now on, I promise we’ll look out for you as you have for us, Lloyd.”

Lloyd’s too caught up with memories of Kai to object.

/ / IX \ \

Looking back on the day, he wonders if that’s when he fell into the emotional web of despair.

(It _began_ as despair. Then it shifted and changed into something much, much worse. Something called-)

/ / X \ \

Lloyd locks himself inside his room, much like Cole did earlier that week.

He spends most of his time lying on his makeshift bed, sometimes crying quietly. Sometimes sleeping with Kai-induced nightmares. Mostly staring at the white wall wondering when he’s going to get up and face the world.

When he’s not lying on his bed, he’s either going to the toilet attached to his room or sitting at his desk, staring at a random blank page in his journal.

He ignores Zane’s calls, Nya’s pleading and Cole and Jay’s (serious and joking) threats. Doesn’t hear a lot of it because he’s so lost in his thoughts; he’ll often wake up when their footsteps are retreating or when they’re halfway through their last sentence.

He doesn’t know how long he’s been here. All he knows is that he’s been deathly hungry and not. That the sun has set and the moon has risen multiple times. That he can feel so numb that he goes through that day in a daze.

Lloyd stops trying to be a Sensei – the Green Ninja. He starts being Lloyd, the kid who was never good enough.

He starts being a kid who just lost his best friend.

/ / XI \ \

Kai said he’d never leave them again.

He lied.

/ / XII \ \

“Lloyd.” A voice flutters through his door, waking him from his slumber. “Lloyd, I have news.” Cole tells him, voice somewhat bleak.

_News?_ His weary brain wonders, sleep threatening to pull him under once again. He doesn’t get up, rather choosing to shift around and look at his pale white door, eyes half closed.

He waits. The Earth Ninja delivers.

“It’s…it’s about Kai.”

Lloyd’s wide awake the moment his friend’s name is said, jumping out of bed and sprinting to the door.

He turns the handle and swings it open, free hand shaking.

Cole’s stands there, blinking, black hair messy like he’s just rolled out of bed.

“What?” The Earth Ninja blinks at him. Lloyd’s shaking hand clenches. “What about Kai?” He urges, trying to keep the _need_ out of his voice but failing epically, his eyes wide.

“I believe he is becoming desperate, brother. We should tell him now.” A robotic voice to his right advices, Lloyd’s head snapping in his direction so fast it hurts.

Zane stands a metre away from him, a blank look on his silver face.

He tries to compose himself, taking a deep breath and a long exhale. “Tell me what?” He asks, right hand falling from the door handle, the shaking limb betraying his calm façade.

If it’s about Kai, he _needs_ to know. More than any of them could possibly know.

Cole scowls at the three other Ninja before facing him once again, features softening. “Remember the volunteers who went down into the crevasse to search for Kai a few days ago?” He asks, and Lloyd winces while nodding. He knows he’s avoiding using any words associated with death – knows it’s both for him and everyone else in the hallway. “Well, they reached the bottom and they…they, uhh…” Cole looks at Zane. Zane stares back, unblinking.

Lloyd holds his breath, shaking limbs easing. _Did…did they find…_ (he wants to think corpse but finds himself unable to. Not because of a tightness in his gut, but a terrible speck of his naivety – of _hope_.)

Zane nods at Cole. The Earth Ninja closes his eyes, taking a deep breath.

“They…they found a bunch of the Sons of Garmadon members, but…they didn’t find him.” He bites his lip. “They didn’t find Kai.”

And _that_ – that’s probably where he got the stupid idea. The idea that Kai was still alive and kicking.

It’s when he manages to escape from the web of despair. It’s also where he falls into another, much larger web of hope.

And this web catches him so deep in its sticky tendrils that he can’t escape for a long time.

/ / XIII \ \

His team were all reluctant to tell him about the lack of a body.

If he thinks hard, he’ll wonder if they kept this from him for days on end. He’ll wonder if they hadn’t wanted to see him like this. He’ll wonder if the others knew what the news would do to him.

Whatever the case, he knows their hesitancy was both his saviour and his killer.

/ / XIV \ \

Lloyd spends another day in his room after the news, thoughts buzzing like flies trapped in a web – the same web he’s starting to fall through.

_They didn’t find a body._ He repeats for about the hundredth time, staring up at the ceiling as he lies on his bed, right arm underneath his head. _Kai…Kai could be…_

He looks back on his ninja life – back on _Kai’s_ ninja life.

He pictures his determination and his laugh. His anger and his skill. His cockiness and his utter stubbornness to _not die_.

He remembers his promise.

_“I’ll never let anyone hurt you, Lloyd. I promise.”_

And what could possible hurt more than the death of someone who knows him better than he knows himself?

(His father’s death hurt a lot, he knows, but it didn’t hurt like this. No, this is different…worse, in a way.)

Lloyd practically leaps to his feet, sitting at his desk with the blank page begging to be written on.

_If you’re alive then I’m gonna find you. I promise._ Lloyd grabs a forest green pen, eyes narrowing as an unbidden thought crosses his mind. _If not…well, I’ll think about that later._

With that thought, he writes.

Unknowingly trapping himself deep in a carefully constructed web that has left him unable to move.

/ / XV \ \

He writes down notes, thoughts and questions. He writes down what he can think of, wracks his brain because he needs to find him.

It’s unrealistic, he knows, the thought that Kai could be alive. Knows that the chances are slim to none that he’s breathing and healthy enough to survive.

But…he _must_ try.

(They searched for his uncle for a year under the likelihood that he was likely dead. What makes this any different?)

He ignores the tiny whisper in the back of his head, instead choosing to act on a selfless thought.

Slamming his journal shut, Lloyd leaps to his feet, rushing to his door.

_I should go tell the others I’m okay. That I’m better now._

He stops at the door, hand on the knob as he looks back at the book he just poured all his thoughts into.

_Then…then I start._

/ / XVI \ \

He considers telling the others what he’s planning to do.

Shaking his head, Lloyd plants a hand on the pale hallway wall, coming to a stop.

_No, this…this is something I_ must _do on my own._

Sharp emerald green eyes look up, shining with determination.

_To repent for the sin I’ve committed, I must go solo, because…because Kai could do the same for me._

/ / XVII \ \

“You’re not okay.”

“How can I prove it to you?”

A smirk. “I know exactly what.”

/ / XVIII \ \

_A lush, open green field spreads out around him, the wind sending a nice breeze into his face as it jostles his blonde hair. A cloudless sky provides no protection from the sun’s golden rays, the warmth spreading across every inch of the soft carpet of low-cut greenery._

_Lloyd drinks in every second of it, his forest green hoodie blending in with the scenery around him. His white shirt is hidden under the zipper, only poking up at the base of his neck. His black track pants stand out among the light colours, seeming to suck the soul out of the life surrounding him._

_Instead of focusing on that dark thought, he hums in content, taking a deep breath of the rich scent enveloping the field. He places his hands behind his head, lacing his hands together as he closes his eyes, inhaling another round of the intoxicating smell._

_The sun tries to invade his eyes, sending a bath of red light in hope of prying past his protection._

Red. _Lloyd’s eyes rocket open, trying to rid himself of the painful reminder._

_It’s too late, for instead of finding a calming green field he finds a wary red one. Instead of a cloudless sky he sees one covered in dark grey clouds, the unnatural red light of the sun only just pushing past the darkness in the sky, painting the ground red. Instead of a soft carpet of greenery he finds jagged blades of grass digging into his bare feet, drawing blood that sticks to the soles of his feet._

_The hairs on the back of his neck stand, his gut churning in warning._

_Lloyd turns around slowly, already knowing what he’s going to find._

_The man of his nightmares is dressed in red, standing a few metres away, hood up and shadowing his face from view. His tight, flexible leggings are almost camouflage in the dark lighting, the shirt underneath his hoodie a lighter shade of red. A tear in the fabric would have been unnoticeable if not for the hands clutching it, the blood coating his hands in a mask dripping onto the blades at their feet, the grass dipping under the weight._

_Lloyd’s shaking before the figure looks up, amber eyes boring into his now incongruous emerald green._

“Lloyd.” _The calm voice outside fills his ears yet does nothing to interrupt his racing heart, shaking limbs or quick breaths._ “Lloyd, you need to open your eyes.”

_He can’t. They’re open and yet they’re_ not _but he can’t reach them. Not when_ he _is standing there, watching him with an unreadable expression._

_“I-I can’t.” He gasps, watching with wide eyes as the figure reaches a dripping hand up and grasps his hood, pulling it off his head._

_His usually spiky brown hair is down and plastered to his head as if he’s been out in a storm. His eyebrows are drawn down and his mouth is set in a firm line, his gaze hard, haunting and harrowing. The cut he inflicted up his right cheek is bleeding heavily, the crimson trail tracing a path to the tip of his chin and dripping onto the floor as it gets too heavy to defy gravity._

_The hand he raised falls back to his side but doesn’t go to cover his wound. Instead, it clenches, leaving Lloyd to assume his intentions._

“Yes, you can.” It’s Cole, _he realises_ , trying to help me. “Whatever’s there is just your imagination. You need to focus. All you have to do is close your eyes and _breathe_.”

_Lloyd does just that. He closes his eyes quickly, taking deep breaths to slow his racing heart, to calm his shaking limbs, to_ open his eyes _._

_A light rustle in front of him splits his attention._

_It continues until Lloyd can feel his breath on his face, a coppery scent invading his nostrils._

_He doesn’t open his eyes. He continues to breathe, to inhale and exhale, to focus on feeling his eyelids._

_A hand falls onto his shoulder, making him jump. He almost opens his eyes but relents, knowing he’ll be stuck there forever if he does._

_The haunting breath comes closer._

_Lloyd feels eyelids behind his._

_A forehead rests against his own._

_The Green Ninja opens his eyes._

And sucks in a sharp breath, pushing himself out of his meditating position and scrambling backwards until he hits something solid, inhales loud and shattering the silence in the living room.

Lloyd shakes, tears filling his eyes as he reaches to feel his forehead, ghosting warmth into his skull.

His knees meet his chest as he brings them up, wrapping his arms around them as he chokes out an inaudible word.

Hands wrap around him and he starts, wide eyes finding Nya on her knees beside him, light brown eyes reminding him of the forest.

(Subconsciously, he realises she was who he crashed into.)

More of his family follow until he’s in the centre of a group hug, his breath evening out as love envelops him. The tears threatening to overflow slowly fade away as they continue hugging, his hands calming and his heartbeat slowing to an average speed.

He lets out a small chuckle as he thinks about before. “I don’t think that worked.”

The group around him laugh and disperse, standing a few metres away from him so he too can stand in the middle of the room.

“Well, meditating is supposed to clear your mind. It was the best shot we had.” Cole shrugs, Lloyd humming in agreement.

“Yeah…” The small smile falls off his face as he remembers the vision.

“What’s up?” Nya asks, head leaning slightly sideways.

“I…uh…” Lloyd bites the bullet. “I need to go down there.”

They understand what he means. He can see by how their faces fall and (in Cole’s case) their eyebrows raise in a dangerous manner.

He looks down, clenching his fists.

He…he _must_ do this. Kai’s been plaguing him since day one and he’s not about to stay here and believe the authorities. That, and if his best friend really is alive…

Lloyd raises his head, throttling his friends with a look they know too well.

Cole suddenly finds the wooden floor more interesting.

Zane gives the others a look.

Jay’s fingers twitch.

Nya’s hands start shaking.

Cole looks up and nods at his Sensei. “Okay. I know you’re not going to back down once you set your mind on it.”

Lloyd gives them his first genuine smile since the funeral.

/ / XIX \ \

It’s dark. That’s the first thing he notices as he grabs a rocky ledge with a sturdy hand, squinting into the fog of black.

Kai’s element would’ve been an asset in this situation.

Lloyd grits his teeth. _He’s not the only one with a power that produces light!_

He calls to his element and it responds immediately, energy pouring into his hand to create a small ball of light.

“Good thinking!” Cole acknowledges from above, just across from him.

The Sensei gives the Earth Ninja a ghostly smile, green illuminating his face. “I am full of bright ideas.” He wiggles his eyebrows.

Cole groans. “Why did I choose to go with you?”

That hits him with the force of a train at maximum speed.

Lloyd responds flatly. “Because no one else put their hand up.”

His brother doesn’t respond, looking taken aback by the frank comment.

The Green Ninja doesn’t see it, focusing on the inky black below him. If he looks up he knows he’ll find a small speck of light in the distance, knows that his family is waiting for them to come back up for fresh air.

(Fresh air he’s not sure he’ll ever breathe again; he’s drowning, and he doesn’t know when he’ll ever resurface from the murky depths that currently hold him deep in their numb clutches.)

Biting his lip, Lloyd throws his ball into the darkness.

It sparks and shatters when it’s a little smaller than it had been in his hand; just over a hundred metres.

A grin spreads itself across his face.

They’ve found it.

Lloyd repositions himself.

Cole yells, reaching out in a futile attempt to grab him. “Wait-!”

He pushes himself off the wall.

Freefalling. There’s something exhilarating about it. The wind roaring in his ears? The weightlessness in his body? The shivers running up his arms and through his limbs?

Lloyd closes his eyes and lets out a long breath, relishing it.

He’s not sure exactly what it is that grips him (or if it’s all of them combined) but one thing’s for sure: he didn’t come here for an adrenaline kick.

He came here for Kai.

The Sensei’s eyes flash open as he twists, beginning to spin and kick.

Airjitzu takes hold in a whirlwind of green as he slows himself, letting the technique go as he begins to go upwards.

He only falls for half a second before he hits the ground.

His right leg gets the brunt of the impact, a short burst of pain running up the bone. He grits his teeth, ignoring it in favour of calling his element once again.

Energy erupts into his hand, lighting his surroundings in a green hue.

The whole crevasse was tight to descend, and he didn’t expect it to be any wider here; there’s only room for about two people standing on it’s width.

But it’s long. Longer than all the others that graced the park.

The choking scent of blood has him covering his nose in disgust, the metallic scent bringing enough memories to haunt him for the rest of his days.

He finds the source of it on the floor, a crust of black coating it. He reaches down with his free hand; the ground is cool against his fingers – stone.

And yet…

He moves his hand slightly to the left.

It’s warmer.

In a trance, Lloyd tracks the heat.

Until it’s too hot to touch.

The Sensei stands and steps back, blinking as he focuses on what he found with his improvised light.

Scorch marks. And…a symbol?

Two triangles, one on top of the other, tips touching.

Both glow blue.

A heavy contact with his shoulder makes him jump, whirling away from the source.

Cole stands there, scratching the back of his neck. “Uh, sorry.” He stares intently at what Lloyd found. “What are you looking at?”

The Green Ninja’s eyes widen. “Don’t you see it?”

The Black Ninja’s eyes narrow. “See what?”

He crouches and points at the symbol, glowing faintly. “It’s here. Two triangles on top of the other, glowing blue.”

He stares at Cole, waiting for a response as his brother squints.

To his dismay, he shakes his head. “I don’t see anything, Lloyd.” He cocks his head, expression shifting in the green light. “Are you sure you’re okay?”

And Lloyd stares. He searches his brother’s face for anything betraying some form of practical joke, squints until he starts to get a headache.

He finds no lie; no joke.

His gut clenches.

The Green Ninja looks back at the symbol, dulling and brightening every second.

A smile almost spreads across his face because understanding rockets into him.

Cole hasn’t lived the loops. Hasn’t died and woken up on the same minute of the same day with a different mindset. Hasn’t been marked with a number that’ll never go away.

His right shoulder tingles; Lloyd knows Cole will never see this symbol. Nor will anyone else.

Only him, Kai, and Time itself.

_The symbol is an hourglass_ , he realises. _It represents time; how every life must be snuffed out. How death is coming for everyone._

_For Time, it’s ironic; she lives forever. Maybe it’s her sense of humour._

This revelation…if it’s told him anything, it’s that this is something he must do on his own. This symbol – one that only _he_ can see – proves that.

That, and the _heat_ …and the missing corpse…

He’s positive.

_Kai’s_ alive _._

“I’m fine.” Lloyd replies, his mouth uplifting into a small smile as he meets Cole’s eyes. “I’m going to be just fine.”

_And so will you, Kai._

/ / 0 / /

_She doesn’t hesitate._

_She knows what she’s doing. Knows the burden she’s placing on him. Knows there’s no way around it._

_Seeing what she’s seen…it’s the right call. It’s necessary, no matter how much she wants to walk away and let nature continue its proper course._

_Because…_

_“To save the realms…” An almost transparent figure whispers, placing a glowing blue hand on the pale body beneath her, “I must save you first.”_

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! Sorry for the wait. Life gets in the way. 
> 
> So, I'm gonna make this three chapters long to signify Lloyd's POV. I'd say have fun but this is really just one big angsty ride.


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